Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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