My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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