Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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