Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
