I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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