Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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