I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
