He felt like a one man threesome
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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