I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
