You smell like stripper and shame
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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