And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
