Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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