First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Randomize
