How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
