evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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