Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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