I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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