He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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