If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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