the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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