We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
