Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
