I love black thongs
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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