I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize