It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
