i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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