how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
