it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
