oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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