We're like a lot better than the average bears
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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