One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
