Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i came on her dog
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
