What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
