dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
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in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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