so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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