i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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