You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
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This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
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You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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