This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
