It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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