god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
