We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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