the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
