I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
