I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
