she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
