I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
