Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
