Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
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We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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