thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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