You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
only you would photoshop your dick
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
