mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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