im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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