New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
