Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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