I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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