My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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