Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
