somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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