My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
