i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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