Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
