2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize