i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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