We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
And then he peed in my hair
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