she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
