there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
