He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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